Laugh out..
“Chief,” says Jimmy to his boss, “we’re having major spring cleaning tomorrow and my wife needs me to help move stuff from the attic, the garage and the garden.”
“We’re short-handed, Jimmy,” the employer replies. “There’s no way I can give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Jimmy. “I knew I could count on you.”
Working on a new trick, a magician turned his wife into a couch and his kids into chairs, but he couldn’t turn them back. What have I done? he wondered. How can I bring back my family?
Out of ideas, he loaded everybody into his van and rushed to the hospital. He explained the situation, and his family was whisked off to surgery.
Hours later, the surgeon emerged.
“How are they?” the magician asked.
“Comfortable.”
Two guys are admitted to the hospital. They are in the same room but too weak to speak, they sleep for days.
After two weeks, the first man gets the strength to point to himself and say, “American.”
His roommate says, “Canadian.” Exhausted, they pass out.
Two weeks later, the American summons the strength to speak again. “Shawn,” he says in a frail voice.
“Dave,” his roommate squeaks. They both fall back into a deep sleep.
Two weeks later, Shawn rouses himself enough to speak. “Cancer,” he says.
Dave clears his throat and says, “Sagittarius.”
“I heard today,” a man says to his wife, “that the postman has seduced every woman on our street but one.”
“Huh,” his wife says, “I bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis in number 23.”
“Who killed Abraham Lincoln?” the teacher asked her seventh-standard students. Everyone but John raised a hand to answer.
“Do you know, John?” she asked.
“I don't know and I don't care!” the boy yelled, arms crossed. “Stop asking me stupid questions.”
Upset, the teacher kept John after class and called his father for a meeting.
“What's the problem?” John's dad asked when he arrived. “Why is my son in detention?”
“I asked John who killed Abe Lincoln and he cursed and said he didn't know and didn't care, and told me to stop asking him questions,” she said.
Furious, the man grabbed John by the collar. “What's your problem, son?” he shouted. “If you killed the man, just say so.”
“We’re short-handed, Jimmy,” the employer replies. “There’s no way I can give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Jimmy. “I knew I could count on you.”
Working on a new trick, a magician turned his wife into a couch and his kids into chairs, but he couldn’t turn them back. What have I done? he wondered. How can I bring back my family?
Out of ideas, he loaded everybody into his van and rushed to the hospital. He explained the situation, and his family was whisked off to surgery.
Hours later, the surgeon emerged.
“How are they?” the magician asked.
“Comfortable.”
Two guys are admitted to the hospital. They are in the same room but too weak to speak, they sleep for days.
After two weeks, the first man gets the strength to point to himself and say, “American.”
His roommate says, “Canadian.” Exhausted, they pass out.
Two weeks later, the American summons the strength to speak again. “Shawn,” he says in a frail voice.
“Dave,” his roommate squeaks. They both fall back into a deep sleep.
Two weeks later, Shawn rouses himself enough to speak. “Cancer,” he says.
Dave clears his throat and says, “Sagittarius.”
“I heard today,” a man says to his wife, “that the postman has seduced every woman on our street but one.”
“Huh,” his wife says, “I bet it’s that stuck-up Phyllis in number 23.”
“Who killed Abraham Lincoln?” the teacher asked her seventh-standard students. Everyone but John raised a hand to answer.
“Do you know, John?” she asked.
“I don't know and I don't care!” the boy yelled, arms crossed. “Stop asking me stupid questions.”
Upset, the teacher kept John after class and called his father for a meeting.
“What's the problem?” John's dad asked when he arrived. “Why is my son in detention?”
“I asked John who killed Abe Lincoln and he cursed and said he didn't know and didn't care, and told me to stop asking him questions,” she said.
Furious, the man grabbed John by the collar. “What's your problem, son?” he shouted. “If you killed the man, just say so.”
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